Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
