i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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