so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
