Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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