i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize