there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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