I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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