If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
why is half of my head shaved?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
