nut hugger
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
