Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
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