There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
