I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
