U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I would ride that face into the sunset
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