You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
