did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
