NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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