He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
