Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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