bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
