I can't breathe out the right side of my face
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Randomize
