I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
