If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
