My friends, they love my intelligence
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i used baking grease as lip gloss
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
