i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
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