Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
