Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
