When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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