remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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