another moral hangover. fuck.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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