She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
