it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
