he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
