So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
