i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
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