So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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