i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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