i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
