Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
