ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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