That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
