I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
