You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
