I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
