i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
