sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
