I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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