He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
