Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Randomize
