i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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