Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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