DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
