I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
