omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
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