he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize