Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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