wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
