woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
