Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i was born a porn star she said
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
