i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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