i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
