so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
