dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
