I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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