bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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