my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
