When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
