I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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