you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
