dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
