Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
