am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize