I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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