She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
